Michael Jackson

Today Michael Jackson died. I, along with millions of people across the planet, watched in horror/sick interest as the media speculated and then confirmed the death of the self-proclaimed ‘King of pop’.  I even saw a photo of paramedics tyring to revive him – talk about intense coverage.

As the initial shock wore off I began to wonder why I was so sad. Sure I love his music but that’s where it ends. I didn’t know MJ and from what I’ve heard I don’t really want to. If it weren’t for his unrivaled celebrity status he would be in jail right now for child sex offences. The man was an absolute nut case, I’m not talking a little imbalanced I’m talking completely insane (or on to swine flu way before the health authorities).  The world is going crazy (I mean that quite literally) over a 50 year old guy who lives in never never land (again, quite literally) with his unicorns were he has sleepovers with young boys. A guy who refuses to show his porcelain doll wax figure monstrous face in public unless he is dangling one of his children off a hotel balcony. Are we really that sad his gone? really??

 It’s only a matter of time before the elvis’esq conspiracy theories start cropping up so let me be one of the first to put  it out there…

Conspiracy Theory 1:

Perhaps this is all a staged PR stunt for possibly the biggest comeback tour in history (John Farnham eat your heart out). This was actually the first thought that popped into my mind when I was watching it (cynical much?). At the time of his ’death’, MJ was rehursing for a 50 show concert that was scheduled to start in less then two weeks. If he is in the midst of rehearsing for a thriller revival surely he is in some kind of passable physical condition. If fact as I was watching this unfold I heard a comment from one of his back-up dancers stating that the day before his death he gave one of the best performances of his life. hmmmmmmmm

Conspiracy Theory 2:

Perhaps he just got sick of being judged, followed, adored, despised, hassled and abused by paparazzi/fans/child rights advocates/the world and took off to live the simple life on an island off the coast of Mexico.

In my previous post on Jade Goody I wrote about not fully understanding the culture of celebrity. There are a very few celebrities who are truly talented. Talent that can’t be replicated. MJ was one of those very few. When he was great he was phenomenal. The whole MJ affair got me back to thinking about the influence of those 95% of celebrities who are not in that awesomely great minority. Sure most of these people are talented but there are a lot of talented singers/actors/models/would-be-realitytv-stars out there who don’t make it into the spotlight. Point of case – Madonna. I love her. I enjoy her music but I don’t think she has the greatest voice on the planet. I think she has an amazing body but then so would everyone if they had $x-inity to spend on trainers and nutritionists. I think she is pretty-ish but not stunning. Yet despite having nothing phenonimal about her she keeps coming back, keeps reinventing, and keeps making me buy her CD’s.  

Most celebrities are not political comentators yet when they told America to vote, vote they did… in droves. I don’t know why I buy my hair products from Eva Longoria and my foundation from Jessica Alba but I do. People who capture our attention for any extended period of time do so because they tap into the public Psyche. They resonate with us in such a way that we develop a deep trust and companionship with them. We understand them, admire their values, or aspire to be like them. I love that Madonna keeps coming back with something better. I love her  never-say-old determination. Perhaps that’s why I love her so much.

Back to MJ. If this is indeed the end I send my sincerest prayers and wishes to his family (especially his children). However, I am not looking forward to a weeks of newspaper articles, blog posts, tweets and facebook updates saying what a tragedy his passing is to the world.

No wonder the lines at Centrelink are getting longer

Dear Sir/Madam,

‘”I am blogging with interest regarding the sample cover letters offered on the CareerOne website. I look forward to having the opportunity to view your comments and discuss the issue further”

Today I found a job. I’m not doing this job yet but in a couple of weeks I fully intend to be.

Suffice to say I want this job and plan to attack the application process with unabashed passion

So, as I sat down to write my “you can’t possibly say no” application cover letter I decided it couldn’t hurt to enlist some professional help for inspiration.

www.google.com –> cover letter examples

Up pops the CareerOne Website with a page titled ’Cover Letter Templates’….Promising.

All of the five sample cover letters begin with one of the following sentences:

“I read with interest your advertisement seeking”

“I am writing in response to your advertisement”

If I read such a generic and lifeless opening to an application letter I doubt I would stay awake long enough to to get to the actual response. 

Further, the words “I am writing” are absolutely redundant…of course you are writing! I am no moron I can see your are writing, I can also see you are wasting your words and my time. It is exactly like beginning a thank-you note with “I would like to thank you for taking the time to interview me today”. How are the words “I would like to” useful??? I know you would like to but are you actually going to do it? “Thank you for taking the time to interview me today” is much more direct and powerful.  

With career advice like that from one of Australia’s leading recruitment networks we don’t need a recession boost unemployment levels.

Needless to say I decided to ignore the advice from CareerOne and go with something a little more energetic…

“It is with great excitement that I submit my application for the role of”

Forget “with interst”. I want you to know I  really want this thing. Oh and can you see I’m writing to you in regards to it? I trust that your IQ is greater then your age so I shall avoid stating the obvious.

Yours Sincerely,

Tess.

A Pirate’s life for me

 

 

Yo ho Yo ho…Admittedly I was slightly amused when I first heard that America was waging a war on  piracy. I imagined Obama flying through the air (on Air Force One), in Peter Pan style green tights, to do battle with the plunder-ous Somali Pirates.

When I began reading about the situation amusement gave way to annoyance. These Somali thugs are taking hostages and targeting ships with supplies for the World Food Program. Who the hell do they think they are? Honestly GET WITH THE TIMES

When I began thinking about the situation my annoyance shifted.

Somalia is a ravished country. Through the 1970’s and 1980’s it was a country ruled through vicious military dictatorship. When the dictatorship collapsed in the early 1990’s it became a country destroyed by war and emancipated by famine.  It also became a country of destructive convenience to the West.

It seams to me that the third world truly does exist for the comfort of the first. Upon the collapse of the Somali Government, with no one to stop them, Western ships began sailing into Somali waters. Hundreds of unmarked barrels were dumped off the Somali coast. According to Johann Hari’s article in the Huffington Post, the coastal population suffered from strange rashes and produced deformed babies. Then in 2005 when the Tsunami hit these leaking barrels washed up onto Shore. The people suffered with radiation sickness (hmmmmmmm I wonder what could have been in those barrels???)  leading to the death of around 300 Somalis. The Western response???Nothing – no aid, no compensation, no clean-up, no apology.  

Simultaneously – Western ships were looting the ungoverned Somali seas, stealing in-excess of US $300 million of sea life a year and with it the livelihood of Somali fishermen.

In fact, when the Somali Pirate spokes man, Mr. Sugule, was questioned as to why the pirates were attacking foreign ships he replied “to stop illegal fishing and dumping in our waters”.

I love that these Pirates have a spokesman and are putting on a grand public relations show.  I’m wondering if there is a Somali Pirate fan page on Facebook – or at the very least a Somali Pirate support group I can join and donate to???  This video (especially loving the bias CNN voice over) features an interview with Somali pirates.

Maybe the Pirates are with the times after all…

Historically, piracy was seen as a way out of oppression, slavery, and starvation. The ‘thugs of the sea’ imagery was actually generated by governmental propaganda departments and perpetuated by Disney animation studios.

One of the greatest lessons taught throughout the revolutions is that Apathy is slow, ineffective, and dispassionate way to bring about change.

“Yo ho Yo ho A Pirate’s life for me” – Well it sure beats being a powerless, starving Somali.

Special Olympics Gaffe

Obama: “I bowled a 129″

Leno: “no that’s very good Mr. President”

Obama: “In like the special Olympics or something”

Come on…It was a little bit funny.

I honestly can’t understand why we are focusing so much of our energy on such a minor political gaff that had no malicious intent. Shouldn’t we be critiquing Obama on something worth getting up in arms about like the economy/environment/education system/welfare system…seriously… bowling.

“What!?!” I hear you say “the messiah is human?”

I kind of like that he made a mistake – somehow it makes him more real…less robotic…One of the people. It is so nice to see a politician who clearly has a personality – although the joke wasn’t in the most couture taste it certainly wasn’t offensive.

Yes, he made a joke – jokes are by definition not meant to be taken seriously. As (what I consider) a reasonable person, I did not even make the connection between the comment and Obama being against the disabled. However, guess who did…

I’m sure Sarah ‘Afghanistan our neighbouring country’ Palin was salivating at the mouth with glee after hearing about this little slip of the tongue. Sarah ‘turkey interview’ Palin, who has a son with down syndrome, immediately came to the defence of the ’degraded’ disabled community by highlighting the power imbalance:

“This was a degrading remark about our worlds most precious and unique people, coming from the most powerful position in the world“

and  implicitly implying that Obama’s comment may suggests ill feelings towards the special needs community:

“I hope President Obama’s comments do not reflect how he truly feels about the special needs community“

Attacking Obama for such a comment is nothing but dirty, weak politics – it is making an issue out of a non-issue purely to slur another parties name. What good does it achieve for the American people. As a point of interest in 2008 Palin (then governor of Alaska) cut $275,000 worth of funding from the States Special Olympics.  

Thank god politics hasn’t sucked the personality out of Obama as it has Aussie rocker turned Labour MP Peter Garret. About a week ago I watched footage from Garret’s performance (reuniting with band Midnight Oil) at Sound Relief. As I watched him gyrate and spasm I barley recognised the dull bald man who sits lifelessly as a cog in the parliamentary wheel.

Jade Goody: Life, Death, and EVERTHING in between (proudly brought to you by OK! magazine)

I’ve been thinking about my stance on the Jade Goody tragedy for the last few days and I have done a couple of 180’s on the issue. I think I have gotten my head around the sociological ethics of it all but you may just have to bear with me if this post is disjointed – I keep swinging.

For those who are lucky enough to reside outside the celebrity-obsessed UK and largely unfamiliar with this girl let me bring you up to speed.

• 2002- Goody is plucked from nowhere as a contestant on the UK version of Big Brother (a quick look at a couple of YouTube vids leads me to believe she was the vulgar loud-mouth universally hated housemate who somehow dodges eviction week after week – think Sarah-Marie from the Aussie version)
• 2002-2006 - Goody capitalises on BB fame, gets an agent, goes on 59653 C-grade celebrity trivia programs, dates footy players and fellow reality TV stars, engages in Lohan/Hilton-esk trashy club antics, pops out a couple of kids, writes autobiography, releases fragrance, punches out elderly citizen
• 2007- Goody participates in celebrity BB where she is accused of being a racist after calling fellow contestant Shilpa Shetty names including Shilpa Fuckawalla and Shilpa Poppadom (call me what you will but aren’t we being slightly oversensitive).
• 2008- For some stupid reason Goody decides to appear on the Indian version of BB – Bigg Boss.  For some moronic reason BB decides to televise a call from Goodys doctor telling her she has cancer.
• 2009- Cancer is pronounced terminal, a second autobiography is released, a couple of one-off television specials air, goody allows her every move (including her wedding to prisoner) to be filmed, OK! magazine release a tribute to Goody, Goody passes away in her sleep.

Not being from the UK I had never heard of Goody until about a month ago. Over the last four weeks her name is popping up everywhere -  web, television, and even some of the major dailies.

Before I go on my rant let me just say that the untimely death of any creature is tragic and my thoughts are with those who knew and loved Goody.

Goody’s life (and death) became a reality paparazzi show based in reality – i’m still trying to figure out just how Goody was able to generate such interest. She doesn’t appear to have any special talents, she isn’t at all well spoken, no sub-human accomplishments to speak of, and she isn’t particularly attractive. There is nothing new to learn about her – we know it all. There is nothing to speculate on – so why the pre-cancer fascination?? I have no idea. If anyone (especially anyone in the UK) can enlighten me please do…

As for the post-cancer facinaiton – a couple of observations over the past year  or so (Ledger, Richardson, Goody) have lead to a few conclusions about death:

1. The opium effect – It makes us positively bias. The bitch who made your high school life hell, the twat that you hated on that reality show, that tool who nailed then bailed… suddenly these people aren’t the root of all evil rather they taught you important lessons and your life is richer for having endured them.
2. A heightened interest - Ask me a week ago: Who is Natasha Richardson? ”ummmmm”, Name for me one movie she has been in? “well there was that one about….nah i got nothing” 
3. The train wreck effect – Dammed if you do, forever curious if you don’t. “What !?Jade Goody passed away yesterday morning” – suddenly im desperately searching YouTube for footage of her final breath.

The only positive I have been able to take out of this whole media circus is the massive amount of awareness that has been generated around cervical cancer - more girls are getting pap smears and even PM Gorden Brown has praised her for her strength and promotion of the issue. Watching her reaction (via YouTube) to receiving the news made me sick to my stomach. Genuine fear. – Horrific and unethical as it was its something all females should see.

Goody learns of cancer on TV

Okay, Negatives…

Yes she died..its tragic, but she had no choice in the matter. She didn’t take a bullet for anyone. She wasn’t a saint – charity workers, CFA volunteers, african children, innocent victims of war. Lets publicise and profile some of these people. Lets increase philanthropic ventures, bushfire prevention awareness, and apartheid aid.

OK! magazine - Gambeling that Goody would die before the release of their next issue: ‘Jade Goody – Official Tribute Issue’. Gamble didn’t pay off. Disgusting - no wonder this magazine has such an appalling reputation.  Clearly they are motivated purely by profit and sales. It is acts like this that make me wish I could be excused from humanity. Ugh

How many police officers does it take to gun down a teenager?

 

If you answered three congratulations.

Two nights ago Tyler Cassidy was shot dead by “a spray of police bullets” (The Age Online 13 Dec 2008).  The four officers involved (including two senior officers) apparently felt threatened by the 15 year old and in an act of self-defence three of the officers opened fire. In total 10 bullets were fired into the lone teenager.

According to mainstream media reports, emergency services received a phone call from Tyler (who was armed with two knives that he had stolen early from the Northcote Kmart) saying “Get the cops. I am killing people tonight”. A second call was received from the same phone by Tyler posing as a panicked witness. The police arrived and minutes later Tyler was shot repeatedly by not one, not two, but three of the four police officers.

According to Assistant Police Commissioner Tim Cartwright “this happened within a matter of seconds”. After capsicum spray was used to no avail,  the (not one, not two, but) three officers made a split second decision and fired… repeatedly.

Obviously Tyler was not the most stable of teenagers, but it is beyond comprehension that four officers could get themselves into a situation where they had no choice but to fire a fatal volley of bullets into a 15 year old.

Negation failed - Victorian Police needs to invest in training.

Capsicum spray failed - How is it that the next step after spray is bullets???

Surely the introduction of a taser gun would prove a logical and lifesaving middle step.  And, if it comes down to a situation where bullets are the only answer could one officer not have shot Tyler in the leg? This morning I listened to some talkback on the issue. One listener called in to defend the officers. He suggested that hand guns are massively inaccurate and difficult to handle. Therefore, the caller continued, it would have been near impossible to shoot the boy in the leg…Comforting to know that the states protectors are carrying around weapons of mass inaccuracy.

I’m not opposed to police officers carrying guns. I am opposed to police officers who are inadequately trained being given opportunity to employ their poor judgement skills in an emergency situation. I am opposed to these officers carrying inaccurate weapons. I am opposed to three officers shooting (ten times) a 15 year old who did not have a gun.

I can’t help but draw links to the recent police shooting of a 15 year old boy in Greece last week. Specifically the public reaction to the incident…widespread violence, firebombing of police stations, and mass public protests. While I don’t condone violence…I certainly think that Australians have a some what dispassionate, apathetic attitude towards authoritarian injustices. It will be interesting to see if Tylers death is still in the headlines in 10 days. 

Speaking of headlines I watched yesterday with interest/scorn the way in which this story was its presented in the media. One article detailed Tyler’s suicide-by-police-fire bid. COME ON.

1. Its murder not suicide; and

2. Its beyond ridiculous to imagine that a 15 year old would mastermind such a thing

A further media point – the reliance on social networking sites. Tyler’s media identity was built from information found on his public MySpace profile. On this site Tyler was a supporter of the white supremest group Southern Cross Soldiers. Many media outlets have used this virtual link to draw (and publish) negative conclusions about Tyler as a person. Social networking sites are becoming an increasingly frequent medium for the media to collect information on people. After the 2007 Christopher Hudson CBD shooting incident. Victim Kiera Douglas was defined largely through her  MySpace page. Her links with Chopper Reid and a number of porn stars were used to tarnish her reputation even though she had never actally met these people (rather her ‘friending’ of them indicated she was interested by them).

While I fully embrace the integration of social media channels with more traditional outlets I think that a line needs to be drawn. People often have an inflated sense of security, distance, and ego on social networking sites. It takes five seconds to join a particular cause or organisation through facebook. Simply joining a group on such a site does not hold the same significance as joining and actively participating in such a group in the real world. Personally I see over-reliance on such stories as misleading, dangerous, and sloppy journalism.

I pray that Tyler’s death does not go without impact. Victoria police need to be investigated and held accountable. The (mainstream)  media needs to step up as the forth estate and do this fairly. The social media (perhaps the 5th estate) need to keep check on the mainstream media.

The big 16 – (belated) Check Point 2

Uni absolutely got the better of me up until November. Then the post uni-come down through November involved doing all those things I had put off until after Uni (doctor, friends, car, dentist). Also my partner in MT goal madness wanted to cancel the whole thing and start again in January which totally defeats the purpose. I think I’ll do my third update which would have been Jan 1,  on March 1 in preparation for the final month. I Colour-coded the goal headings to express progress. Green=Achieved, Yellow = Likely to be Achieved, Orange = step it up, Red = Not Achieved – Very cryptic I know.

Related posts:

Dumb Goals, SMART Goals, & NYR’s

Goals – The big 16

Goals – The big 16 – Check Point 1 July

 

December Update - 8 Months In (Check point two):

1. Achieve a GPA of 75% or higher   – I fell just short of this – mid year results put me at 71% – (damn Marshall McLuhan) however I got focused and more then made up for it in the second half of the year – GOAL ACHIEVED
2. Run 150 laps of Princess Park – I have run 77 laps. Starting to really pick this up now that uni is over. I’ve also started swimming which I think is helping with the general fitness. Injury has healed and I feel pretty good. I think I am going to get this one. 
3. Finish books 1 and 2 of Mandarin – This is still not going great but I’ve really started to step it up since finishing. I need to put in a lot more work (and I have the time to do it) so I’m still optimistic about this one.
4. Get a tattoo by 1 October 2008 – Have design complete by 1 July 2008 – This is on track – design is sorted – it will be similar to THIS . I have narrowed it down to 3 places and have a nice stash of (prescribed) Valium to calm me down (did I mention i have a phobia of needles). That was what I wrote at the start of July. This didn’t happen and I’m really starting to have second thoughts about it.
5. Have $XXX in savings – This is in trouble as I took virtually all of October off work to focus on Uni. Feeling the effects of the sub-prime and subsequent financial crisis. The entire shopping complex I work in is quiet. I am giving myself until the end of the year to relax before I seek a job in line with my qualification. Also I’ve started to get into Ebay a little which so far has been a bit hit and miss. I think this will pick up but I’m not fully confident I will reach my target amount.
6. Record 90% of money spent in accounts book – I lost my account book for a bit and that killed the momentum I had going. I’ll have to pick this one up again. Although while I found it a useful way to track my spending at the beginning its now lost some of its value for me. I know where my money goes and have improved my nasty spending habits.  
7. Read 24 books – I’ve read (completely) 6. This will pick up now that I’m not studying – fully expect to achieve this one. 
8. Write 52 blog entries – Surprisingly slack with this one I’ve done 19 which is slightly less than I wanted to. I am however going to really ramp this up. WATCH THIS SPACE
9. XXX
10. Complete  draft business plan – Nothing on paper as yet but clear ideas in my mind…am pretty excited about this.
11.  Speak or write a letter to 5 people letting them know how they have impacted my life – This is on track thanks to one very raw and honest 3000 word letter and a nice mums day card. I have also written (yet to send) a pretty nice thank-you card to someone who really helped me stay sane at the craziest times when I was studying.  So I have done three and hopefully I feel inspired enough to do the last two by April 1.
12. Complete 45 hours of charity work – So far I have done 4 hours. I collected money for the Salvation Army Red Shield Appeal . This is another goal that will be more progressive now that I have stopped studying. I’m looking into the RSPCA and Very Special Kids. Its really important that I find a charity that I am passionate about and hopefully can develop an ongoing involvement with.
13. Stop biting my fingernails by 1 October 2008 (Maintain to 1 April 2009) – This is going surprisingly well. Now that I have stopped studying i am calmer. I have noticed I tend to bite them subconsciously when I am sitting down with my books.
14. Get certificate 3 in fitness – This is done bar a little bit of paperwork and getting my first aid certificate – GOAL ACHIEVED
15. Average at least 6.5 hours sleep (between the hours of 10pm and 8am) per night – This one is going surprisingly well – I averaged: 6.6 in April, 6.56 in May, 6.23 in June, 5.98 in July, 6.68 in August, 6.58 in September, 6.97 in October, and 6.25 in November. That averages 6.48 which is damn close. Dec = 6.92, Jan = 6.61, Feb = 7.38, TOTAL: 6.84

Flying High No Longer

God how I wish the AFL would let Ben Cousins get past that white-line and on to the field…

Last night (25 Nov 2008 ) St Kilda declared that they had no interest in taking on Ben Cousins. This comes after North Melbourne, Collingwood (after hiring a private investigator - awesome use of my membership resources) and most recently Brisbane all declined the fallen eagle.

The more I think about this the more I think Cousins is a lost opportunity both onfield and off.

On field: Cousins is one of the greats – winning Brownlows,  winning grandfinals, achieving All-Australian selections, being deemed best and fairest, and holding the captaincy for five years. 

If he was an okay player, a good player, or even an excellent player then sure I could probably understand the hesitation. But he was (and could be again) great. He kicks goals and wins games, he boosts moral and memberships alike.

Shouldn’t this be enough to warrant a second (factor in public brawl with Kerr), no wait third (oh there was that incident with the WA gangland), okay forth (abandoning his car to run from a booze bust – hilarious), whoops fifth (that little incident at Crown in 2006)…shouldn’t this be enough to warrant ANOTHER chance???

When I first heard that St Kilda had rejected him my initial reaction was: Karma Benny. Obviously the guy isn’t the most sensible (or stealth) eagle in the nest. However the more I think about it the more I think perhaps he has been a little hard done by.

Yes drugs are socially frowned upon. Yes him taking them (AND GETTING CAUGHT) brought the game in to disrepute. However the only person who has lost (i mean a really lost) is Cousins. He has lost his reputation, his dignity, and the job he is seemingly so passionate about.

His job is (was) to play AFL football. To be fit, to kick goals, to win games. He is very good (great) at that job. He is not a politician, he is not a police officer, he is no-longer captain. He is not a role model .

I can’t help but think how unbalanced the treatment of Cousins has been. Contrast with Wayne Carey. Carey committed THE ULTIMATE SIN. As captain of the North Melbourne Football Club he cheated on his wife with the wife of his best friend. Oh and his best friend just happened to be his vice-captain. So many people lost. Carey (who also dabbles in non-prescription medicine) was picked up by the Adelaide Crows the next year.

Cousins has admitted he had a problem, sought treatment for that problem, and agreed to the re-entry conditions of the AFL (in the form of stringent drug testing). Another precedent: Piegate . Alan Didak, also an absolute great (minus the captaincy, Brownlow and Grandfinal) got a second (and third) chance when he was involved in an underworld joyride followed up a year later by a drunken joyride with team mate Heath Shaw. Shaw managed to crash his car into a parked car. Throughout preliminary questioning from the club Shaw stated that he was in the car with a ‘mate’. He did not mention this ‘mate’ was Didak. Didak straight away admitted he had a problem…no hang on…rather than admit to being drunk and in the car he concealed the truth (as he did a year earlier to police) from his captain, coach, and president. Pain all around – not to mention the horror that could have unfolded had the car plowed into a child rather than a parked vehicle. Didak coped a fine and missed a couple of games.

Supporters want their club to win games. Winning games boosts membership. More memberships boost sponsorship. More membership + Increased sponsorship =  Lots of money. 

Having Cousins in a team will create media hype but it doesn’t necessarily have to be bad. If the team does its due diligence (note to Collingwood re: Didak) and closely monitors Cousins it is possible that they will be praised for being a reformer.

Unlike Carey and Didak – Cousins’ actions stem from an addiction. Drug addiction is an illness, a horribly serious one. Cousins needs support so he can recover and perhaps even go on to become a voluntary role model to others suffering from similar illnesses. Give him a life-line.

Curbing the ‘epidemic’: A study into the promotion of childhood health appendices

The attachments below serve as appendices for the report:

 Curbing the ‘epidemic’: A study into the promotion of childhood health.

This is an assessable document for the 2008 Bachelor of Communications (Public Relations) (Honours) at RMIT University.

Appendix 1: glossary_appendix-1

Appendix 2:significant-academic-works-and-publications-around-social-marketing_appendix-2

Appendix 3: social_marketing_summary_appendix-3

Appendix 4: tapintowater_socialmarketing_appendix-4

The perfect politician

Further to my last post on John Edwards…

The whole Edwards fiasco also got me thinking about what it takes to be a credible politician these days. Here is a tick sheet of criteria I came up with:

1. Must be happily married to childhood sweetheart and have well behaved children (if your child gets caught drink driving step down from the premiership podeum immediately)
2. Must be free from extra-marital affairs (seaming not so important in America)
3. Must never have so much as sneezed in the direction of anyone who has been incarcerated (especially important in Western Australia)
4. Must have firm christian religious views (local priests should be media trained – “Hillary ain’t never been called a [N-word]!”)
5. Must not have ever taken any form of illegal substance or smoked a cigarette ( although I think it’s ok if you don’t inhale)
6. Must never have visited a strip club (except if you didn’t actually realise it was a strip club)
7. Must never have been drunk (sipping from a glass of champagne ribbon cutting events is permissible)
8. Must be robotic and charismatic at the same time
9. Must keep all social networking activity in check (Liberals take note… its not ok to start an a blog slandering your party leader, it also is not ok to join an anti-Nelson group on facebook)
10. Must be a member of a minority group or have come from humble beginnings

Its’ a tough bill. And its going to be even harder to live up to these ”captain perfect” standards in the age where digital cameras are everywhere and citizen ‘journalists’ are numerous. In order to meet such criteria politicians will need to be hand picked from birth. Just as we train sports stars from a young age, we will also have to train our leaders. Make sure there is no blotch on their record that could be dug up by the opposition.  It’s politics in captivity. Battery politics. Politics Daddo style. 

Most people are not fit to represent most people.

Most people don’t marry their childhood love, in fact most people arn’t even married and of those that do get married often it isn’t their first marriage. The reason their first marriage ended is often because of an extramarital affair. Most people know someone who has been to jail. Most people are not christian. Most people have experimented with some form of narcotic. Most males have visited a strip club. Most females have been to hens night where a male stripper was present. Most people have been drunk on more than one occasion. Most people have moments where they wish they could blend in with the carpet. Most people are not black and homeless.

Thank god we arn’t governed by robots. Most Australians don’t live up to this “perfect person” criteria. A politician is a peoples representative. They need to understand the peoples issues. Make the peoples mistakes and deal with the peoples consequences…all be it in a far more public, sensational way and incredibly amusing way.